Monday, September 26, 2005

 

Frustrated

Just because I try to be honest with you guys, I'm going to confess something.

Stuff just totally blew up in my face today and I don't know how it's all going to work out. I often try to play it cool and use humor as my tool to pretend that I'm not hurt or scared...but there's no pretending here.

As mentioned before, I had an interview Friday with a company that I really want to work for. At the meeting that day, the woman said that pending good references, I would get an offer phone call Monday night or Tuesday.

So when my cell phone was ringing with the organization's phone number displayed today at 3:30, I started to feel a little psyched, thinking "is this it?!"

Well, it wasn't. But it's not necessarily the end of the story. It was the HR woman, asking for a reference who was familiar with my work on the paper (I had originally given her three - one from work last year, a professor, and a woman who works in the student programs office). A reasonable request, but one I wasn't too psyched about. The advisor and I, although working together rather closely for three years, never exactly clicked. Even though my parents think it's just me being an emotional girl, I always felt like there was an undercurrent of disdain surging beneath his every word and action towards me. Or maybe not every word, but through a lot of them.

I respect this man a lot, and I felt as though I could never earn his respect in return, regardless of all of the effort and hours I put into the newspaper. That is both a frustrating and disappointing feeling.

So it was with trepidation that I dialed his office number today. I left a stumbling and stuttered message, asking him to be a reference and asking him to call my cell when possible. I also e-mailed him. Knowing that it was last minute, I wracked my mind for other people that I could call. The Provost? The VP of Student Life? I talked with both of them at least twice a month for three years...why the hell not.

After speaking to their respective assistants, I found out that the provost and the VP of StuLife are attending the same meeting, for over a week. In a foreign country.

And then the current EIC IMed me with the glorious news that the advisor is also on a business trip. In South America. Of course.

Facing what seemed like a brick wall, I turned around and e-mailed & called a professor that I've had for three classes, who was a regular source/reader of the newspaper. No response from him yet. I also contacted the person who had basically trained me at the paper and taught me everything I know and had promoted me to the position of news editor my sophomore year. He called me back as soon as possible (thank you!!) and he said he'll be a reference, as good as a 24 year old law student can be. :-)

I feel like crying. Here is this job, so close to my grasp and it's currently sitting out of reach. I've done the work, I've put in the hours, I've made the effort. The HR woman is totally just doing her job, and I understand that - many people out there lie on interviews, and it's her duty to make sure that they make a strong hire.

I'm a strong hire, dammit. If only the people who are authorized to say so were in the country.

But it just seems like everything is going so wrong. I'm praying that tomorrow it will all turn around - I'll hear from the professor, I'll call the HR woman, she'll call the professor and then she'll call me with a smile and be like "When can you start?"

Oh. And not like I believe in this crap, but check out my horoscope from this morning, courtesy of the Boston Globe:

"Nothing will go according to plan. Be prepared to change direction midway. Problems with colleagues will confuse you. A partnership may not turn out as you had hoped."

Comments:
Ok I’m hearing you here, but in this modern world of technology know-one is un-contactable anymore (are they) it dose not matter that all these people are away. they must have cell phones and/or email that they check ?if not someone must have the number for the place that they are staying? I’m sure any HR person would respect that folks are traveling and you are having a few problem getting numbers for them but you are working on it.
Anyway I’m sure you did not want to hear that for a complete stranger , with any luck the professor will come thought for you tomorrow but if not don’t give up push just a little harder show that you are willing to go outside the box !! employers like that
 
Well if it was in your horoscope, it must be true.

Meg, seriously: it will work out. Just keep thinking to yourself "will this matter 10 years from now?" I know you really want this job, but it's not the end of the world no matter what happens. Keep your chin up, it's going to happen for you.
 
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