Wednesday, January 04, 2006


My earth. Is Shattered.

"Maybe they're right. Maybe guys do have everything figured out, and we're the insane ones. Isn't that the scariest thought?!?!" - C-note.

Holy Crap. Right now I'm reading an article from MSN about dating, and guys, and the lies that guys tell for the sake of their women. (and yes, I know I'm pathetic for reading about this stuff, but who cares.)

While reading about the lie "I tried to call you" my earth and the bubble that surrounds it was shattered. I realized that I may be living in the Matrix, a world where women are rational, and men are the ones who don't get it. I realized that actually...the real world may be the other way around.

Here's the explanation for that little lie, and ones similar:
"Essentially, lying is damage control: When we sense undue distress, we assume our petty crime can't account for it all. Rather, your complaint must be the tip of an iceberg of criticism, and a simple apology may be admitting to more than we bargained for. If we confess to forgetting to call you when out with the boys, will you take it to mean we didn't think about you once all evening, or that we were glad to be away from you? Far safer to simply pretend the phone went inexplicably dead."

In a word, Yes. If you don't call me, I do, and most girls do think, that you did not think of us. It seems elementary. I think of a guy, I call him. And therefore, it goes to follow that if a guy I'm seeing is thinking about me, he'll call me. But's not as black and white? Apparently the guy did think of you? The writer says it so matter of factly, as if it's totally ridiculous that a woman would think otherwise.

Is it totally ridiculous? Is that an illogical leap?

And then...there was the lie about ex-girlfriends.

"My wife asked me if I'd ever cheated on a girlfriend," says Bob, 32. "I did, once, but it was an isolated thing. I'd never do it again. But women think 'once a cheater, always a cheater,' so I told her no. I hated lying, but I felt like what she was really asking was, 'Would you ever cheat on me?' And that question I answered truthfully."

As someone who abhors the thought of being lied to, my entire inner being rails against the thought of someone lying about an indiscretion. I try to live my life with pride, and with thought of the future, and I think it's important to know if you're with someone who doesn't (or didn't).

But really? She was actually asking if he would ever cheat on her. She wanted to know if she could trust him. And if he truly, really, knew that he would never, ever cheat on her, or on anyone else ever again...maybe he was spot on. Because knowing that he cheated on a past girlfriend would cause her so much anguish and over-analysis.

Someone once said that he thought that people lied to me, because they didn't want to hurt me or to dampen my enthusiasm. About stupid things, like whether or not they liked a movie that I loved. I thought it was ridiculous, and said that people didn't love me so much that they would lie about how they really felt, in order to protect me.

But do guys really know what's going on, and they coddle our sensitivities because they love us so much? Are they really going the extra mile and we just keep asking for more and more, thinking that they aren't trying? I know we can be emotional, but are we emotional to the point of a handicap?


As a man I would have to unequivically say no. Men are the ones who have no idea. We are the patently insane ones. We cling to the ephemeral and shun the deep. We lie because we cannot handle the truth and therefore believe that no one else can either.

Thing is we don't understand women. Yes we think about you even when we don't call you. Yes we say that we tried to call you, even though we know that you know its patently absurd.
Thing is I've overthought the phone call before. Is it too late? Is she asleep? Should I call now?
We definitely think about you, we might not be able to express that, but we do.
But, if we say we're gonna call, we need to call. If she asks for the truth, we're afraid that it will damage how you view us.
Case in point. The scene in Mr.&Mrs. Smith where they are talking about how many people they've slept with.
Sometimes it's better to lie.
But that by no means gives men a blank check to lie to their women.
Honesty is the best policy, after all.
apparently he's either gay or wants you... but my answer is yes the reason we lie is usually cuz what you ask us doesnt matter. for example girl says you like this outfit? guy thinks who cares i like you for who you are so there for i like anything you put on... those are my thoughts at least...
I think they were actually talking about how many people they've killed.... 312 would be a hell of a number of partners!! Mr. Smith was jealous that his wife killed more people than him, I think, since she also blew up those two cars that were following them when he said he could handle it.

anyways! being a female I thought this article was funny because I thought a lot of women did the same thing (telling white lies to avoid a huge blowup)- according to Cosmo anyways haha. I thought the article made sence- why bother having a huge fight over something insignificant when you can fib about it and the whole thing will never cross either one of your minds again? if you gamble away the family's life savings or something, yeah you need to come out and be honest about that obviously. but if a guy was innocently glancing at a woman's chest its no reason to get insecure- everytime Angelina appeared in the movie in a bra I commented on her nice chest cause well, it was nice! and you knooowww women are checking out hott guys with a nice bod walking past so its hypocritical for them to then blast a guy for doing the same thing!

so my comment is now longer than trueborn's haha
Questioning my sexuality doesn't change the subject matter drunk z, I've learned to no underestimate women. Perhaps someday you'll figure that out.
A lot of the white lies are generated from a process of evolution...survival of the fittest, if you will. Over time, males realized two things; red meat and beer are the only food groups, and women never ask a direct question without having an alterior motive. Having realized this, those of us who have adapted have learned to accept that some lies are completely acceptable.

Trueborn raised some interesting thoughts, but suggesting men lie because we don't understand women? Speak for yourself, broseph...I understand them just fine, and I know that telling them what they want to hear solves the problem from both ends.
JC I did not mean to slander your understanding of women. It's just that there are a great number of dudes out there who don't understand why they are lying. I get them just fine, and I'm sure you do as well.
Telling women what they want/need to here is a skill. I'm just saying that a lot of guys fail tee her point of view.
I try to not think about these things...and take things as they come. Probably both are completly clueless and we just try to do the best we can with what we got.
one may argue that guys who don't understand women also don't understand men, or society in general...

I'm feeling a rant coming on. Let's see if it can sustain itself until I get back to the apt tonight.
Haha, meg, you are going to be horrified to find out that 99% of men tell white lies, more often than not to prevent someone else from getting hurt. jc hit the nail on the head with the ulterior (sp?) motives thing. If a girl asked me why I didn't call her, I would probably say something about forgetting my phone at home. Why? Because to me: the reason why I didn't call her is that I was busy, and probably out with friends. And quite honestly, if one of my friend spent even 10 minutes talking to his girlfriend on the phone when WE are hanging out together, (haha, that sounds so gay) it would tick me off, and quite honestly I would find it rather rude, because he is with me and not her (again, how gay haha). But to a girl? I would assume she thinks that I didn't think about her, or I don't care. But that's completely opposite the case, I'm sure I'd think of her all night. But that's not to say I call, because it's not realistic to call someone everytime I think of them. My whole life would be one constant phone call. So in order to prevent someone from feeling bad, I might say I didn't have my phone. Of course, that's not to say I wouldn't think about how she had wanted me to call her, and might take a few minutes aside to send her a nice message the next time we were apart. Wow, that was convoluted. Speaking in hypotheticals is so tiring. ;P

P.S. Caitlin, I did the same thing too! ;)
haha chris I had a whole other paragraph saying pretty much exactly what you did about the phone call- if I was out with the gals and I thought of a guy I wouldnt call him right then cause I wouldnt want to miss out on all the fun around me, I'd call him afterwards to say hi. But I figured the post was long enough already heh so I deleted it. on another note I remember when you were like 8 so its odd to be talking about girls and angelena's boobs with you
9, Caitlin, 9. :P
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