Saturday, May 06, 2006

 

L-O-V-E

God bless Gmail, for turning my inbox into IM. My friends and I sometimes match each other's messages, just for kicks. And because we're fun.
The other day, we had:
Me: Love is not a game.
Anon: Love is gamey.
E: Love is a game, and I'm the winner BIATCHES.
C-note: Love is a bitch.

E and I have the same debate every couple of months: Is love a game? What's the line between being coy, and pretending to be someone you're not? This wasn't prompted by heartbreak on our parts - you might say that we don't have any pieces on the board at this time - but rather is a genuine debate over something that is never resolved, no matter how many times we mull it over.

E's (married) cousin has something called the 70% rule. When she started dating her now-husband, she decided that she would only be available 70% of the time when he asked her to do something. While I am completely in support of being busy, and not being at someone's beck and call, I abhor the thought of saying you're busy just because you don't think you should be free, or because you want to make him want you more by being unavailable. To me that smells suspiciously of messing with someone's head. I'm okay with saying that you're unavailable because you want some alone time. The motivation behind being unavailable shouldn't just be to manipulate him.

I think people should be genuinely busy. They should have stuff that they do, random interests that take up their time. After a dry spell during which I was the most boring person on the planet, I think I'm finally becoming busy. There are books that I want to read, I want to start making beaded jewelry (yes, I DO know that's an old lady thing. ), I'm getting more hours at work, I play kickball, Nats games are calling my name. Hell, to complete the picture of lameness that is me, I have the LOST Season 1 DVD set, and I really want to watch it. That's a time investment!

Not that anyone has asked me on a date, but if they did...there's a strong possibility that there would be a couple of days that I couldn't hang out. And yes, not being able to hang out the very next night may build anticipation, and he may think "cool, she has a life" - or something, I don't know what he'd think - and that's a good thing. But I just hate hate hate to think of someone lying right off the bat. I don't know.

For example, say if someone asks me on a date for Tuesday night. I'm free, but I don't feel like going out on Tuesday, whether it's because I want to read, watch a movie, or maybe I'm just tired, whatever. It doesn't matter why. So I suggest Thursday. He agrees. I don't consider that to be playing a game.

But if the guy asks me out for a Tuesday and I think "DON'T Agree to the first night he says!", so I say that Tuesday isn't good, and I suggest Thursday, and he agrees...I consider that to be playing a game.

So basically. I don't think one needs a reason, excepting that they're avoiding following a goofy rule, whether for reasons of manipulation, or because they're afraid what he might think if she's too available.

Other things that reek of "game" to me: purposely waiting to respond to emails, the whole concept of an "upper hand", the three day call rule.

Even to me, it seems that my view is harsh, and as E says, "different strokes for different folks." And maybe two people think the same way, and that's the way that it works for them. Some guys probably don't want a girl that isn't into playing. They think she's too simple, and too unsophisticated.

I don't want those guys. And they don't want me, so I suppose E is right. I guess I should amend my statement to: Love is not a game - for me.

Comments:
That makes a lot of sense to me, even though I've been guilty of attempting to play games with boyfriends in the past. I'm not very good at it, though. God knows why I even try... I think it's something stuck in a lot of people's heads today when dating; that playing games is the only way to establish their own worth. Yet I know you're right. Maybe most of us are just terribly insecure.

You should never ever read Rubik's blog - he spends his time playing games!
 
If you want to go out, then go. If not, then not go. It seems the simple, but it rarely is.
 
That's not Love...


And LOST isn't a time investment, it's a way of life. You dirty theif.
 
don't play games, what a waste of your own time, let alone someone elses
 
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