Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Saw Doctor Scary, dum dum dum dummm....

Seeing my pepsi fizz and jump in my new beautiful mug (purchased at the Christmas Tree Shop) reminds me just how bad Pepsi is for my teeth.

No joke, I just paused to take a sip.

This past weekend I realized that I have a nice little budding obsession with mugs. And as far as obsessions go, why not? They're portable, useful, share a bit of my personality with the outside world (aka my two office mates) and I seem to have a penchant for cheapish ones.

Anyhow, so I saw Doctor Scary today. The nurses did all the pre-flight checks - and remarked that my weight, height, and temperature were all exactly the same from the last time I was there, two months ago. That's pleasing, because I feel like I've gained ten pounds, and I've only worked out three times (three times more than usual!)...so it's nice to know that maybe it's all just in my head.

Of course, the fear of settling into life as a lipidinous blob did inspire me to go to the gym, so hopefully I won't lose that drive. Or you know, stunt its timid growth.

So Doctor Scary came in, and seemed a bit more friendly this time. But maybe that's because she sensed my vulnerability, clad only in an "open-front" gown. What a load of crock, that open-front gown. I mean, really.

We had some chitchat, she asked me about my habits, and I realized that I felt a heavy pride in saying that I don't have any medical allergies, and no, I haven't had any major medical procedures. As if I had any control over that! I shamefacedly admitted that I exercise "occasionally" (the definition of "occasionally" is up for debate), and I only wear sunscreen on my face. Oh, and I lied and said that I only drink one caffeinated drink a day. Sometimes it's totally two.

Then she shut off the light, and used her little flashlight to burn a tunnel through my retinas. Since she told me not to blink, all I wanted to do was...blink. But I held strong, and won the staring contest with the wall.

Turning the light back on, she told me that I have extremely large pupils. A strange thing to say, it had a whiff of an insulting air, but then she followed it up with "That makes it easy for me to look into them. And, you know, people find large pupils to be very attractive...it makes them think that the person is very sympathetic."

(I realize as I'm typing this that it sounds like she's hitting on me, but she totally wasn't.)

I stared into her own tiny pupils...much resembling little grains of sand...and wondered if that had contributed to my earlier assessment of her. She continued by saying that we're actually animals, so things like dilated pupils do have an effect on the way we think and act.

CP is always saying how fantastically good looking I am. I don't believe her, because that's what friends say to make their friends feel good. But maybe she's been seduced by my cavernous pupils!

Anyhow, so after the eye-to-eye moment, my appointment went well. I threw some more grease on the wheels with an inappropriate and self-deprecating joke, and a good patient/doctor relationship was formed.


This was an extremely funny post to read.

Amazingly enough, I have really small eyes.
You have beautiful eyes...that is one of the many things that make you rediculously good-looking. Having eyes that blue is almost near impossible, so I don't doubt that any doctor (or photographer or other man for that matter) wouldn't look into those baby blues and fall deeply in love.

Reading this back, it now looks as if I am hitting on you, Meg! :-) In all honesty though, I think you're gorgeous...large pupils especially.
oh, stop hitting on me. I know you just want to be in an extremely tiny bathroom stall with me again. It's not going to work.

I think.

*bats enormous pupils, puts you under a spell*
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