Thursday, June 08, 2006


Just call me Cruella

I'm pretty much an evil person at work now. Yesterday in the lunchroom one of the guys mentioned his 91 year old grandfather. As if on cue, all the girls melted into little puddles of love, murmuring a collective "awwwwwwwww," and saying stuff like "that's so cute!" and "I love old men!"

That is, all the girls except for one. Me. I made the mistake of confessing "You know, I'm not really into old people." Judging from the awkward silence that followed, I may have well said that I think we should load up all the soon-to-be elderly on their 66th birthday and push them out to sea, taking their dentures, depends, and disposable incomes with them to Davey Jones's locker. Or maybe that we should make lovely coats out of their soft, aged skin. A way to recycle our resources, so to speak.

The thing is, contrary to what others may think, it's totally not like that. I think old people are really interesting, fun to talk to, etc etc. In fact, I'm that annoying girl that wants to know all about what life was like in the 20s, and 30s, and 40s, and 50s, and 60s...and they're like "leave me the hell alone." And then I keep going, and say obnoxious things such as "What were telephones like when you were my age?" So basically, I love to use them for fun historical information.

And I actually see it as sort of belittling to call an old person cute. We all have cute moments, or moments that others see as cute for some reason or another, but to call someone cute just because they're old and feeble is a bit insulting. They're not cute! They're people! I don't want anyone to call me cute when I'm 75, just because I'm seen as "stubborn" and "set in my ways" and "a bit batty." Calling them cute seems to me like you're saying "Oh, good try. You've ALMOST got it!" And that's not fair.

And just in case word gets around that I hate all things beloved, I'd like to say that I love babies. So much. I think they're perfect, with their fat cheeks, and cute little mouths with drool, and their nonsensical babblings. And their little clothes! Babies. can. do. no. wrong.

Do you remember when the wife of a certain coworker of ours brought their new baby in? You and I were "oooing" and "ahhhing" over this little being, and you said, "Oh, she's so cute! She's really big!" (Because face it, she was a little ball of adorable chubbiness.) And the mother shot you a dirty look and said, "No, she's just long." Hahaha, we slunk out of that office really quickly.

So maybe calling a baby "chubby" to some is like calling old people "cute" to others.
cp: oooh, way to relate to others. Since I'm not going to stop calling babies "big" and chubby" (this is AMERICA, people! We need hearty kids!), I guess I can't complain too much about well-intended "cutes." Oh well.
PS I'm taking off word verification. For now, at least.
I agree that babies are cute, but what about when when they scream endlessly? I want to tear my hair out. Like on the plane ride to Europe. holy crap I almost jumped out of the plane and was like "Im swimming the rest of the way, see ya."
on a totally different note, angelina jolie's baby is cute and has her mother's lips, of course (I sprung for the $3.99 People to see the pics, ugh)
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