Friday, November 17, 2006

 

I am obviously a relationship expert

Okay, first off, I don't know why I was reading an article called "Is There A Break-Up In Your Future?" because, you know. There definitely isn't.

With that said, I did read the article, and it pretty much pissed me off. The tagline warns that "your can-do attitude can cost you your relationship."

On the surface it was pretty on-target, and it seems like the main message is "don't drop your life and obsess over him, because he'll feel smothered." That's definitely reasonable, and smart. A relationship gets all tipped off-kilter when one person is doing all the calling...writing...emailing...etc. However, beneath that message is one that is saying that YOUR boyfriend isn't being a good boyfriend because of YOU, and all of YOUR CONSIDERATE ways.

Before I get too riled up, I have to mark that her personal anecdotes are very telling. This woman seems super annoying, relating tales of how when she was younger she used to forcibly dress up her cat, would hug her pet rabbit too hard, and she "broke her Eazy-Bake oven from excessive entertaining." To use one of my dad's favorite sayings, it sounds like she could have used a good backhand.

(clarification: my dad doesn't actually beat children.)

So, no wonder a guy would tell her to tone it down. She's obnoxious and over-the-top.

okay.

Her first tip is to not "give more time, energy, or attention to the men you're dating than they're giving back to you."

Reasonable, at its core. It's always good to be on the same page, blah blah.

But then - she follows this tip with the first Romantic Rule:

Overgiving short-circuits the male coupling instinct! If your man has become romantically lazy, it's probably because your overabundant giving has drowned his desire to win and woo.

Um, see, my first thought was that it's probably because the guy sucks, and isn't rising to the occasion - not that the woman is unwittingly drowning his desire to win and woo.

And so it continues, in the same vein. Some of it is good, most notably the piece about having high self esteem and not centering your life around the guy. But she overwhelmingly blames the girl in every situation. Her whole attitude is "you're doing too much, so it's your fault that your guy is not making any effort."

I mean, it's nice to be told to not do anything, and let the loving come to you...but don't blame nice girls for boys being stupid and "wanting a challenge" and "loving to jump through hoops of fire, scaling craggy cliffs and bringing over Chinese takeout," but only when the girl is being helpless.

Screw her, and screw guys who think like that. I'm keeping my can-do attitude.

Speaking of, I don't even know what she considers a "can-do" attitude. I "can" make my boyfriend's dinner? I "can" call him every hour? Because she doesn't give any REAL examples of having a can-do attitude, like saving the world, mopping up the city streets, and braving tall trees on the Mall to save a cat.

And, for the record, I'm all about couples being nice to each other, and sweet, and making each other dinner and calling frequently and whatnot. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I have been guilty of over-giving. Whoops. But, factoring in all of that, I really, really resent the resounding 'blame the woman' battlecry.

In the end, she basically says that if, after all of your stepping back, and he hasn't stepped up, then your relationship is a dud. Which I am in agreement with. Because if you're doing nothing...and he's doing nothing...there's nothing there.

Comments:
Meg, I think this woman sounds like she's loony. Here would be my question: If a guy rolls over and falls asleep after really good sex instead of cuddling, does that mean next time you should try to have really boring sex so he cuddles afterwards?

Dr. Cam
 
If a girl was having a "can-do" attitude about calling me every hour, one thought would go through my mind: pshyco......
 
Dumb article:: Overgiving short-circuits the male coupling instinct! If your man has become romantically lazy, it's probably because your overabundant giving has drowned his desire to win and woo.

Meg Joyce:: Um, see, my first thought was that it's probably because the guy sucks...


ahahahahahahaha dave bazow.
 
cam: is that a trick question? I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around it.

bub: what if she takes your last name as a confirmation name? ohhhh snap!

min: EXACTLY! My rebuttal to her argument was dead-on. The sucker is sure missing out!
 
I think you could take her job, Meg. And now she's scared.

And Cam, that was too funny!
 
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