Tuesday, November 28, 2006

 

"You're the bees knees," Joe quipped

I have the unfortunate distinction of sitting five feet from the fax machine. This morning they installed a "new to us" facsimile maker machine that must have been assembled back in the early 80s, back when plastic was a new invention and most neighborhoods just had one party line.

This ring and number pad on this ridic fax machine is set to a volume that would wake the dead. And it's not adjustable, no matter how many times I jam the "down" button. So this afternoon, this super cool old guy...let's call him....F.H. was using the fax machine. He dialed. And the noise split his eardrums.

He exclaimed, "Jiminy Christmas!!"

And I fell in love a little bit more.

And this past weekend, when I was home for Thanksgiving, my Grandma was telling my family a story. She was recounting a time this winter when my older brother was pulling oranges from her tree at the Florida house around midnight (he was going home the next day, and my mom told him to not return if he didn't bring oranges).

He was jabbing the orange picker into the tree in the pitch black, and this huge bird flew down into his face, startling him. So, my Grandma was telling the story, and she said, "And then Michael said, 'Good Night! A bird!'"

Now, Mike probably had the presence of mind not to swear, but I really doubt that he said "Good Night!"

These little turns of phrase crack me up, and I'd really like to bring them back into circulation. They're just so much more descriptive and evocative than "Oh my Gaaawd" and "WTF?!" So, this evening, while exploring the ins and outs of Canadian forest fires, I also tried to think of more of these phrases.

Here goes:

- "Oh Boy" (said by one of my elderly coworkers as she was talking about a toilet overflowing on the fourth floor)
- "Holy Mackerel"

I clearly gotta do some more thinking. Anyone got any? I promise to use them in conversation. For reals.

Comments:
Jumping Jehosephats? (sp?) I used to know a bazillion of them... let me see what I can come up with!

(It's posts like these that make me lesson my hatred of old people: but I'll go to work in the morning and life as I know it will resume.)
 
i think i know who f.h. is, and i think i totally agree.
 
One of my housemates (let's call him P.O.) uses 'Jeepers!' completely seriously. As in, we'll almost walk into each other in the hallway and he'll go 'Jeepers." Not in an exclamatory way, mind you, but in a "Yea, I say 'Jeepers.' Screw you" way.
 
"Son of a bee-sting!" is a personal favorite.

And who still uses a fax machine?? In this day of networking technology, I've been trying to discover why my office still uses this small piece of 1980s technology. Isn't there a better way? Good talk.
 
tk's comment reminded me of "Zoinks!" from scooby doo.
 
Aw, F.H.!
 
dilly dally
lollygag
tomfoolery
shenanigans

gee willikers

bee with an itch

there you go.
 
I think that te entire vocabulary of one of my dear pals (and one of your former building mates)J.B.B. involves such sayings as "Oh Dear" and "Yeah, thats some serious stuff!" This list goes on... Lady Meghan, How are you, yeah. (said in my best Brislin) By the way hi and long time no see.

-Matt (I'm better than tk because I capitalize my name)
 
this lady in the cubicle next to me says "ohh sugarbush!" cracks me up every time! like last week when she goes "ohh ssssugarbush! Ive got a bloody nose!" I literally laughed out loud on that one haha

I also think its funny when my great-great-aunt says "jeeeeeesus maaary and joseph!!!" or "that's a fine how do you do!"
 
Oh, I get it now!

Whoever talked about the fax machine as antiquated technology would probably enjoy this comic.

The other day, I had to call F.H. and ask a question, and he said, "It doesn't matter one whit to me!"
 
So, you fell in love with F.H. for use of "Jiminy Christmas?" Gosh Darnit, I knew I was doing something wrong.

I'm going to have to start working on those more 1950-ish TV swears.
 
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