Saturday, July 07, 2007


true confessions, at the risk of sounding like a lush.

Dane Cook says that when he's throwing up from a night of too much drinking, a tiny part of him enjoys it...that he feels something like...a vomit-spewing dragon.

I don't understand that. I understand the "oh thank God now I'm not going to be dizzy" feeling, but actually, truly experiencing an emotion akin to enjoyment?

I know I shouldn't confess this (is this that feeling of foreshadowing that I was talking about earlier?), but last night...I drank too much. I think it was a combo of not feeling well before going out, and beer, and some glasses of Yellowtail Shiraz. Waah. In itself, I don't think all that should have put me over the edge (especially since it was spread out over at least four hours), but, something magical occurred, things mixed, and voila. Cut to me, with my head in the toilet at our as of yet unchristened apartment, waving P away with one hand.

I'm not the type of girl who wants someone to "pat my back" and "hold my hair." I'm the type of person who wants people to shut all doors, put on music, and let me try to hold on to the one shred of dignity that would come from me pretending that no one knew what was going on. P understood this. She checked on me before and after, though, and this morning (um, afternoon) when I woke up, there was water and ibuprofen beside my bed. And a trashcan she had put there the night before. So thoughtful!!

Before all this, I was sitting in the living room with P, me in my favorite yellow chair. I hadn't yet accepted that it was going to happen. I've thrown up twice before from drinking (I'm tempted to say "only," but I know quite a few people who have never thrown up because of it), and I couldn't quite remember my level of misery before those times had played out. Had I felt this gross? Could I recover?

I reached out to a comforting source - Mike T. I sent him a text:
I'm drunk and feel dizzy...give me words of wisdom. help.

To my delight, he called me. Told me to drink plenty of water. The message behind the call was....this is gonna suck, but if you get sick, it will be for the better. Lose it tonight to redeem tomorrow. You can do it. We talked a bit more about life - he's going to visit sometime in September! - and I reassured him that I thought his friend W was a cool guy, but we just weren't "destined in the stars."

I love Mike T. In the words of TK - "A hell of a guy!"

Anyhow. So the big moment came. I was ready, and in position. Like you're supposed to do with a dog that poops on the rug, I stared at it, to try and feel the most shame and learn the extent of my lesson. This. This purple mess. Is what happens when I am irresponsible. This feeling of sitting on a bathroom floor. A bathroom floor! Is what happens when I ignore the signs of my body.

I had several thoughts during the actual event.
1) I cannot go to the beach in two hours. Must text c-note and e. I did. They were remarkably understanding. I love those girls.
2) How is purple still my favorite color, when it's ALWAYS purple after drinking? Do I have purple insides?
3) BUB. DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH. I had the urge to call you after heaving, but I thought that might traumatize you, especially since it was 3 a.m. You'd wake up, get worried about me, and then you'll drink too much in the future anyhow. But it's misery. And you deserve more than that.
4) What is the lesson I can learn here? The positive side to all of this?

Well, throwing up is like pushing a reset button. And since my computer's hard drive is a clean slate, why can't my insides be, too? I see this as an opportunity for rebirth, seeing it as all the negatives that have been storing up getting flushed away. As an opportunity to reassess my limits, so to speak. Much as, three years ago, around my 21st birthday, I found that White Russians and beer don't mix, and a year and a half ago, when I found that shots, beer, and reese's peanut butter cups don't mix, last night I found that me and Shiraz, and beer, and possibly spinach pizza, do not mix.

But it's not just the alcohol that I'm reassessing. It's putting up with crap. Setting the bar too low. Making stupid choices - like drinking too much when I was supposed to get up at 5:30 to go to the beach today. Like placing myself in a Plan B position, instead of giving and getting the best that I can. Like settling.

I am not a vomit-spewing dragon; I am a phoenix, rising from the ashes.

I'm usually not one to say drinking is the wrong choice... but up against the beach? Sigh. It was the wrong choice.

Hope the hangover is gone now! :)
P.S. Twice... I've thrown up twice from drinking. The first didn't happen until the night of my 24th birthday. I still miss that "never" status, sigh.
Haha, I'm going to let mom and dad catch me drinking tomorrow night, and then I'm going to say it's because you told me not to drink TOO much, not to not drink. And I think I was up at 3. Something about my covers being all messed up.
tc: yeah...I thought I was invincible. Ha! And two...not bad. Let me tell ya - try to not join the ranks of three timers.

bub: NOT FUNNY! When I was your age, I only drank with the aunts. Let that be the same for you! (or the druncles, at least)
What? You drank with the aunts at my age? Unfair!
Bleh. The "good 'ol days".

Thanks for the comment on my blog ;-)
I rarely get embarassed about anything (which if you haven't noticed, I tend to wear as a badge of honor).

The last time I was embarassed involved projectile vomitting in front of about 1000 people on a pedestrian street at UVA. Oh, and I was easily the oldest person there. And it happened in front of the cops.

I've been "tamer" since then.

But hey, if nothing else, you know you've got some good people around you. And, we all got a little slice of entertainment too. Cheers!
bub: only occasionally. in maine. haha

joseph v: thanks for your help in IDing the horrendous creature!!

jc: I love your boldness. And your observations (like how you were the oldest one there). Hilarious!
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