Friday, May 16, 2008


lots of leaving left to do...

Sunday morning at 8:30 marks the start of my first 10k. I'm not prepared; so I'm anticipating a rough ride. That's not to say that I'm nervous, but I'm not, you know, expecting a breezy time full of smiles and picture-perfect moments. E and I signed up for it a couple of weeks ago... J.C. and his bro are running, and we were inspired to chase them around for 6 miles. Kinda like an adult's version of the playground at recess. I hope.

It's kind of cool, since we signed up around the same time E and I have numbers that are very close to another: 1575 and 1577. Is it lame that seeing that almost brought tears to my eyes?

I've been finding it easier to focus on things around the move than on the actual move itself. For example, this 10k. How can I worry about the future when I have to run the longest race of my life thus far?

And my last weekend: such decisions. The Times? Ocean City? Museums? A lot easier to decide WHAT to do than to dwell on the people I'll be leaving. A lot easier than to spend time wondering who I'll sing along to "Open Arms" with in the car. Or country music. Or any music at all. Crap. No one.

And God forbid I actually pack a bit beforehand. I'm focused on the father-daughter bonding time that will happen when driving a 12-foot truck chock full of my stuff along half the length of the eastern seaboard. It will be like when my dad used to drive me to high school...only it will be a month and a half of those trips squeezed into one. And we won't have a CD player on the dash, so he won't have to hear the same NSYNC song 5 times in a row (which was particularly grating for him, I'm sure, because it was a remake of a song from "his" generation. But he never complained!). I can't wait.

And then there's my Houston trip in early June. I'm so first time in Texas! And we might visit NASA! And the beach! I told Cam that thinking about the trip was really helping me with the move. Who needs to hardcore job search when I'll be out of the state for 5 days? Might as well really focus when I get back, right?

I'm picturing coming back from Texas and just feeling like a deflated balloon when I land. The reality of the situation will finally hit (at least, I hope it hits then and not at the staff meeting this upcoming Thursday). I'll be going on a run and see someone in the neighborhood. They'll ask how long I'm home for, and I'll respond, "Oh, um...forever."

Don't get me wrong: I'm glad that I'm moving back to Massachusetts. As I said today to C-note and E, all preachy-like, "We all make our own decisions." I've made the decision, and it's the right one. I'm looking forward to spending time with my family and friends, actually seeing my parents more than once every three months, eating dinner as a family, smelling the smells of homeā€”the coffee brewing in the morning, cooking at night, my mom's perfume. Playing with the puppy; going to my cousins' baseball, soccer, and basketball games; getting to really know my sister in law; just being in the place that I've always thought of as Home with a capital H.

The big picture is great. It's just the day-to-day reality would freak the shit out of me, if I'd let it.

Girls...come with me? Please?

Running a 10K is a big undertaking.
Aww, you'll be OK. You'll be sad, but you'll make it. And you know what? You can always visit :)
TC: well, yes.
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